DNF: Optimists Die First

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30335560Optimists Die First

by Susin Nielsen

DNF in August 2017

format: e-ARC

spoiler-free review

I received an e-ARC from Penguin Random House UK Children’s through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review!

When I requested this ARC on Netgalley at the beginning of the year, I was intrigued to read Optimists Die First. But as soon as I got approved, negative reviews of this novel came to my attention. Because readers especially didn’t like the way mental illnesses were portrayed, I was very hesitant to pick this up.

I joined #ARCAugust, in which I aimed to read ARCs of books that have already been released, so I decided it was finally time to read this novel. I recently saw some advice on Twitter, saying that you should decide whether or not an ARC is worth continuing after three chapters. Since I heard many negative things about this novel, I decided to follow this piece of advice.

So that’s what I did. I read the first four chapters and decided Optimists Die First wasn’t worth continuing. Everything bothered me: the mental health representation, the way the protagonist said ‘felines’ instead of ‘cats’, how she basically said that terrorism started with 9/11 … Maybe I was influenced by all the negative reviews, but the similarities to All the Bright Places worried me. The protagonist’s sister is dead, she has a mental illness (caused by the death of her sister) and she has to work together with a boy on a very special school project. All the Bright Places isn’t a good example of mental health representation, so I doubt Optimists Die First was going to be any better.

Within the first five pages, the protagonist had already taken out hand sanitizer, fainted while giving a presentation and checked whether the bookshelves were secured. The symptoms were all over the place. It’s as if this character was nothing more than her mental illnesses. On top of that, her mental illnesses got her in all sorts of funny or embarrassing situations. Mental illness can manifests in many different ways, but because the representation isn’t #OwnVoices as far as I know, I wasn’t willing to push through and read something that could be very harmful.


Based on other people’s review and my own observations during the first four chapters of this novel, I decided I won’t continue reading Optimists Die First. The mental health representation worries me and the plot of this novel doesn’t seem original anyway.

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ARC review: Too Fat, Too Slutty, Too Loud

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33257571Too Fat, Too Slutty, Too Loud: The Rise and Reign of the Unruly Woman

by Anne Helen Petersen

DNF in August 2017

format: e-ARC

spoiler-free review!


I received an e-ARC from PENGUIN GROUP Blue Rider Press & Plume through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review!

I’m always interested and both hesitant to read books about feminism. One of my biggest worries is White Feminism, where only the struggles of white able-bodied allocishet women are acknowledged. Though I believe the author tried to be inclusive, I think she failed. Celebrities like Lena Dunham and Caitlyn Jenner are not good examples, so why dedicate essays to them?

In the introduction, Petersen talks about the results of the 2016 presidential elections in the USA. She said that the women at Trump rallies were a minority. That’s not true. The majority of white women voted for him! To not acknowledge that, is to erase the hard work women of color do, because it’s often they who start empowering movements and discussions.

I do appreciate that Petersen points out that she is a privileged white, able-bodied, allocishet women. That’s very important to know if you’re reading a book like this. Sometimes, I thought she was intersectional, but at other times, she completely missed the ball.

Describing the Virgin Mary as asexual is in my opinion not accurate. I’m not asexual, but I believe the author was going for ‘not sexual’, as in ‘The Virgin Mary doesn’t seem sexual in any way’, yet she chose to use ‘asexual’, which does not mean the same thing!

In the ‘Too Queer’ part, the author mentions that 2015 was the highest number of trans homicides in history. How many of those who were murdered, were black trans women? But no, let’s pick Jenner to be the symbol of ‘too queer’, even though she doesn’t give a shit about queer people and throws the LGBTQIAP+ community under the bus whenever she can.

Like I said, the author tried to be inclusive, but she failed. Sentences like “The trans woman desires to be with a man, ostensibly making the couple “straight”, or at least able to pass as such” are in my opinion very problematic. Claiming that, when a trans woman is in a relationship with a man only passes as straight, but implying that it isn’t, is transphobic. Of course it’s different when one or both of the partners isn’t heterosexual, but it’s still implying that a trans woman isn’t really a woman, and that’s far from empowering.

So, I clearly had issues with these essays. But I was willing to push through because I was curious to see why the author decided to include celebrities like Dunham and Jenner. But I couldn’t. I didn’t enjoy reading this. I had the feeling I was reading a thesis and each essay was a biography of the celebrity instead of an empowering piece on feminism.

Furthermore, Petersen included tons of quotes that were very problematic. That way, she wanted to point out why feminism is needed, but imagine trans people, black women, etc. reading those quotes!

Besides, I don’t really understand why the author chose this format. At first, I thought each celebrity was going to write the piece, but that wasn’t the case. Wouldn’t it have been more personal if the author let queer women, black women, etc. write their own pieces? The idea of this book was good, but the execution wasn’t. Is it really empowering if a white, allocishet woman speaks on behalf of the issues marginalised women face?


Though the author attempted to write intersectional pieces on feminism, she missed the ball quite a few times. Ultimately, I decided to skip chapters and DNF this book altogether because I didn’t understand the aim of these essays. They weren’t empowering, but rather biographies of these celebrities, who weren’t involved in the making of Too Fat, Too Slutty, Too Loud. Overall, this book is still centred on the experiences of white, allocishet, able-bodied women.

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Down the TBR Hole: #11-20

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Hello, my fellow book lovers. Today, it’s time for round 2 of down the TBR hole, which was created by Lost in a Story. From time to time, I’ll go to my Goodreads to-read shelf and change the order to ‘ascending date added’. I’ll pick ten books on that list and decide whether or not they’ll remain on my TBR.

angelfall.pngMy sister read the Angelfall series a few years ago and she loved it. Besides her, however, I haven’t seen that many people talk about this series. I know nothing about the plot and I’m afraid it’s going to contain many of the same tropes as the other YA dystopia/fantasy novels that were released around that time.

verdict: remove from TBR

the secret history.pngI started The Secret History one night a couple of summers ago, but when there came no end to the first chapter, I decided to put it down. And I haven’t picked it up since! I have the feeling I’m going to love this novel, but I just haven’t had the time to read it. Which is bullsh*t, because I have read much bigger novels such as A Game of Thrones since, but still 😀

verdict: remains on physical TBR

the girl on the train.pngI’ve heard so many mixed opinions on the Girl on the Train: some compare it to Gone Girl, others were very disappointed by it. That’s why I want to see for myself whether this novel lives up to the hype. I haven’t seen the film yet, so know nothing about the plot. I’m thinking about listening to it on audiobook.

verdict: remains on physical TBR

the final empireI mentally removed The Final Empire from my TBR a couple of weeks ago when I learnt that Sanderson is very queerphobic. A simple Google search will let you know what I’m talking about. I’ve heard nothing but good things about this series, but how can I support an author that doesn’t even support my very existence? I could try and separate him from his work, just like I do with Maggie Stiefvater and J.K. Rowling, but what would that say about me? That I’m willing to overlook queerphobia as long as the books don’t disappoint me? No thank you.

verdict: remove from TBR + to unhaul

amy and rogers epic detour.pngI don’t know much about this novel, but it’s seems like an enjoyable read on a warm summer’s day. I’m usually not a fan of YA contemporaries that revolve around an allocishet M/F romance, but like I said, this book might be fun.

verdict: remains on physical TBR

carry onWhen Carry On was released, I had to have this book right away! Everyone was raving about it. When it arrived, I quickly put it down because I wasn’t in the mood for it. I haven’t picked it up since, and I don’t think I ever will. Carry On seems like the peak of fetishisation: allocishet it’s hyped by fangirls who just love reading about boys falling in love, but wouldn’t ever willingly pick up a novel featuring a F/F relationship. Furthermore, I haven’t heard many positive things about the queer – especially bi – represenation in this novel.

verdict: remove from TBR + to unhaul

the art of being normal.pngI don’t know why the Art of Being Normal is still on my TBR, since I unhauled my copy a few months ago. I’m not interested in reading a cis author’s portrayal of a trans character in which the wrong pronouns are used throughout the entire blurb and the character is deadnamed!

verdict: remove from TBR + unhauled

the knife of never letting go.pngI own a cover of the Knife of Never Letting Go, but I’m never going to read it. Admittedly, I don’t know what it’s about, but I honestly have no interesting in finding out. Furthermore, I’ve read multiple of Ness’ novels and didn’t love any of them. So I guess this author just isn’t my cup of tea…

verdict: remove from TBR + to unhaul

the casual vacancy.pngI started reading the Casual Vacancy many, many years ago, back when I was still a J.K. Rowling fan. But I wasn’t able to finish it in time when I had to return it to the library. Since then, I’ve acquired my own copy and since I’m still a Harry Potter fan, though no longer a fan of the author, I do want to read this novel, even though it’s probably incredibly dill. However, just like The Cuckoo’s Calling, these books will probably remain unread for a very long time to come.

verdict: remains on physical TBR

the darkest minds.pngI have mixed feelings about this series. On the one hand, I want to know why everyone loved it a few years ago, but on the other, I’m afraid this is going to be terribly trope-y. But isn’t this being adapted to film soon? if so and I’m interested after seeing the trailer, I might want to read this book.

verdict: remains on physical TBR


So this was my second Down the TBR Hole post. Once again, I kept way too many books on my TBR! Do you think I made any mistakes in my verdicts? Let me know in the comments!

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review: Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay

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Afbeeldingsresultaat voor bad feminist book coverBad Feminist

by Roxane Gay

read in August 2017

format: audiobook

spoiler-free review!


“To have privilege in one or more areas does not mean you are wholly privileged. Surrendering to the acceptance of privilege is difficult, but it is really all that is expected. What I remind myself, regularly, is this: the acknowledgement of my privilege is not a denial of the ways I have been and am marginalized, the ways I have suffered.”

update: After learning some new information on Tuesday, I no longer support this author. If you are active in the book community on Twitter, you might know what I’m talking about. I won’t elaborate since this involves a person that has had to endure harassment time and time again and I don’t want to make things worse. So contrary to what I said in my original review below, I won’t read any more of Gay’s work.

Bad Feminist is what it was supposed to be: a collection of essays by a woman who is certainly a feminist, albeit someone who’s rather focussed on the experiences of allocishet and North-American women.

I’m glad I decided to pick this up on audiobook instead of actually reading it myself. These essays were often scattered and at times more of a memoir, but because the narration was so good, it kept me interested. Though this wasn’t narrated by Gay herself, I had the feeling as if it was. The narration was so convincing. Especially the part where Gay talks about her rape, broke my heart.

Besides discussing feminism, Gay also shares her opinions on a variety of other topics, such as race. I loved that she didn’t limit these discussions to feminism, but discussed race as well, since it’s vital that feminism is intersectional. If you only care about the experiences of allocishet, able-bodied, white women, are you really a feminist?

Having said that, as a queer woman, I felt that Gay’s primary focus was allocishet women. When talking about the kind of men women like, she generalises her audience. When she is talking about reproductive freedom, she fails to mention trans people.

The author also discusses a lot of pop culture, such as the book Gone Girl and movies like Twelve Years a Slave. First of all, as someone who is European, I didn’t know half of the people, movies, books, etc. she was referring to. Often, she discussed them very in depth, but I couldn’t bring myself to care much because I don’t know them! Furthermore, she often spoils the plot of these films, books and TV series, which might not bother many readers, but I for instance won’t watch Twelve Years a Slave anymore, since Gay already told me everything that’s going to happen.

I very much disagree with her stance on trigger warnings. Just because she doesn’t need them, doesn’t mean she shouldn’t protect others. It’s such a selfish way of thinking: just because they don’t work for me, I don’t see how they can work for anyone else. It’s not at all censorship, it’s only making sure that people don’t get hurt. So, here you go: these essays contain a trigger warning for sexual harassment and graphic descriptions of rape.


Because of some of the issues I had, I agree that Bad Feminist is a very appropriate tittle for this collection of issues. I’m a feminist myself, but am most likely far from a perfect one. I’d definitely recommend listening to this on audiobook and I plan on reading more of Gay’s work!

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We Are Okay: a beautiful book about grief

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we are okay.pngWe Are Okay

by Nina LaCour

read in July 2017

format: hardcover

spoiler-free review


“No one will know if you stay in bed all day. No one will know if you wear the same sweatpants for the entire month, if you eat every meal in front of television shows and use T-shirts as napkins. Go ahead and listen to that same song on repeat until its sound turns to nothing and you sleep the winter away.”

Well, I’m certainly not okay after reading We Are Okay. It’s been a long time since a book made me cry! It’s hard to explain why I love this book, but I do. Marin’s story really spoke to me.

At first, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to continue this novel. It’s primarily set in winter while it’s summer over here, so the mood didn’t feel quite right. But I decided to give it another chance and I devoured the majority of We Are Okay in one night.

I think a reason why this novel was so relatable, is because of my mental illnesses. Though Marin is grieving, I understood why she postponed facing her fears and dreads, why she reacted the way she did. Same ableist language is used, but I can forgive it because the characters were very emotional while saying these things. Still, I want to point this out because not everyone might be okay with it.

We Are Okay wasn’t like I had expected. I initially picked this up because of the F/F representation, but it wasn’t as prominent as I had expected. But I do not mind at all. The novel contains flashbacks and a mystery, which were both very well done. I never saw the “big reveal” coming, whereas this isn’t a mystery novel, but a YA contemporary. I think the author did a great job and I will certainly pick up more of her work! This story is certainly character-driven, which generally works for me, and We Are Okay is no exception.


I would absolutely recommend We Are Okay to everyone! It’s a quick, beautiful read about grief, featuring queer female characters and a Mexican-American love interest.

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the Feelings Matter book tag

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Hello, my fellow book lovers! This Sunday, I’ll be doing the Feelings Matter book tag. I love doing book tags, even though those don’t receive as much as love as my other posts and the answers are often predictable. Anyway, let’s get started!

question_1

upside of unrequited.pngMaybe not exactly confident, but The Upside of Unrequited made me feel so many positive things! Though Molly and I aren’t completely alike, I related to her very much. This book and Becky Albertalli have a very special place in my heart. The Upside of Unrequited is so positive and fluffy, it makes me feel as if everything is going to be okay.

question_2

the hate u giveAs a white person, I will and can never fully understand how different a black person’s live can be from mine, especially in the USA. But The Hate U Give gave me a very good idea of what it must be like. My heart bleeds whenever I read about the injustice that’s being done to them and unfortunately, I don’t see that chance anytime soon, considering who the current president is…

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we are the ants.pngWe Are the Ants is one of my favourite books, but it was also a very hard novel to read. It deals with multiple serious topics such as suicide, depression, bullying and sexual assault. If you’re interested in reading this novel, I’d suggest reading my review, because We Are the Ants includes material that could be very triggering.

question_4

the boy in the striped pyjamas.pngThe Boy in the Striped Pyjamas is a highly popular novel, but I honestly don’t understand its purpose. The ignorance in this book annoyed me to no end. Though this is set during World War II near a concentration camp, Bruno, the main character, remains ignorant throughout the entire novel. It bothers me that this story is told from the point of view of someone who is privileged. To make things worse, he never even realizes how lucky he is. You can read my full review here.

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the raven king.pngI’ve mentioned this numerous times already: The Raven King didn’t live up to my expectations. Throughout the entire series, there’s so much foreshadowing and build-up, yet The Raven King is so different from the other books. Some of the characters weren’t treated the way they should’ve and the plot was all over the place and overall disappointing.

question_6

gemina.pngI didn’t finish Gemina for several reasons, one being the sci-fi elements. I don’t read this genre often (or ever) and it had been over a year since I read Illuminae, the first instalment in this series. I had no idea what was going on, so I decided to put it down. You can read my full review here.

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queens of geek.pngQueens of Geek made me feel satisfied because it was such a perfect novel. It gave me everything it promised it would be: fluff, cuteness and diversity! I really want to read more books like it.

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how to make a wish.pngGrace, the main character in How To Make a Wish, is bisexual and her relationship with her mother that is far from perfect. Therefore, I could really relate to her. Unfortunately, I didn’t adore this novel as much as I had hoped, but I will re-read this and I know I will love it more the second time around. I blame my busy schedule.

I also plan on picking up Blake’s other novel, because that one sounds very relatable to me as well.


Those were all the questions! If you want to do the Feelings Matter book tag, consider yourself tagged by me.

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review: Down Among the Sticks and Bones

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Down Among the Sticks and Bones

by Seanan McGuire

read in July 2017

format: audiobook

spoiler-free review!


“I am what I am, and there’s much about me that won’t be changed with any amount of wishing or wanting.

Because I listened to Down Among the Sticks and Bones on audiobook, this review is going to much less thorough than usual. I don’t take notes while listening and I honestly don’t really have a strong opinion on this novella.

Someone recommended this audiobook to me and it did not disappoint! It’s narrated by the author herself and she uses a different “voice” for each character, which is a must for me. I definitely plan to re-read Every Heart a Doorway soon by listening to it on audiobook as well.

Talking about Every Heart a Doorway: I think I would’ve enjoyed Down Among the Sticks and Bones more if the first one was still fresh in my memory. Unfortunately, I read it back in December 2016, so I didn’t remember much about Jack and Jill.

The world these twins end up in is supposed to be scary, but I thought this novella was rather uneventful. It was more tell than show. Which I on the one hand could appreciate, because it had a certain fairytale-appeal to it. But if Down Among the Sticks and Bones would’ve been more character-driven, I wouldn’t have mind so much, but the characters weren’t as fleshed out as I would’ve liked. Surely they weren’t perfect and had their flaws, but what drove them? Why did they act the way they did?

Therefore, I wasn’t very attached to them. Even the fact that this novella features a F/F romance couldn’t lift my spirits. So ultimately, I do feel disappointed, but I plan on re-reading this once I re-read Every Heart a Doorway first.


The author narrates her work beautifully. I would definitely recommend it, but make sure to read Every Heart a Doorway shortly beforehand, to make sure you aren’t out of the loop like I was.

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ARC review: What Does Consent Really Mean?

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35232852What Does Consent Really Mean?

by Pete Wallis, Joseph Wilkins & Thalia Wallis

read in July 2017

format: e-ARC

release date: November 21st, 2017

spoiler-free review


I received an e-ARC from Jessica Kingsley Publishers through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review!

When I spotted What Does Consent Really Mean? on Netgalley, I was instantly intrigued. Often, people have good intentions while discussion topics such as consent, but it can also go wrong in many ways, e.g. by only discussing consent in allocishet relationships. So I definitely planned on reading this graphic novel critically.

Overall, I think What Does Consent Really Mean? is a solid introduction to the topic of consent. I loved that it also dealt with consent in relationships. The rape culture in our society is very difficult to discuss, even more so when we are talking about people who are in a relationship with each other. Therefore, it hit close to home. Though I don’t think it was perfect, I do want to hand it out to others so they realise how important consent is.

Right from the start, this graphic novels features a black character and a character wearing a hijab, which I loved. Unfortunately, due to the very poor formatting of this e-ARC, I couldn’t tell whether they were the ones who slut-shamed. I really hope that’s not the case, but I can’t tell: it was impossible to know who said what, because the text wasn’t included in the speech bubbles.

Once or twice queer people were mentioned, but only briefly. Furthermore, I can’t tell whether anything queerphobic was said due to the poor formatting. Every sentence was jumbled, so I probably had to skip half of this graphic novel.

Talking about queer people: I think asexual people must experience even more pressure to do things they don’t want to do. Some are sex repulsed and I can only imagine that if their partner isn’t ace, they might force them to do things they don’t want to do. Yet What Does Consent Really Mean? doesn’t discuss that. This is still very centred around allocishet people.

I completely understand the negative role pornography can carry. Yes, people are pressured into doing things they don’t want to do because of it. But, I don’t think we should blame sex workers. I find this very difficult to admit, because it’s something I struggle with. How can I support people that can cause so much harm? It’s not the individuals’ fault, rather than the industry’s. So when sentences such as “the girls [in porn] are just always up for anything” were said in this graphic novel, they rubbed me the wrong way.

Another discussing in What Does Consent Really Mean? that irked me, was the one about nudes. We shouldn’t frighten people into not daring to take such pictures. We should, however, make people realise that sharing someone’s nudes is wrong and shouldn’t go unpunished. I think that’s a huge differences, whereas in this comic, I got the impression that nudes shouldn’t be taken in the first place, because “my dad says that anything online stays there forever. Even if you trust someone now, you never know what they might do”. Which is true, but not the way we should be handling this issue.

Finally, the following sentences is very harmful and is not the way we should draw the line for what is considered consent and what isn’t:
“How do you know if you’re consenting? If you listen to your body, you’ll know.
You can e.g. get an erection while being raped, so when your body is responding in a “positive” way, that doesn’t mean you are consenting. So I thought this last piece of advice was very iffy.


What Does Consent Really Mean? is a solid introduction to the topic of consent and very relatable to someone who has been in a relationship with lack thereof. Because of the poor formatting of this e-ARC, I might re-read this graphic novel once the finished copies are released.

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T5W: Book Covers I’d Live In

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I completely forgot about today’s topic! I wrote down my picks days ago, but didn’t actually include them in my blog post. So apologies for being so late. Anyway, Top Five Wednesday was created by gingerreadslainey and is now hosted by Thoughts on Tomes ! Visit the Goodreads group if you’re interested in joining! This week’s topic is:

August 2nd: Book Covers You’d Live In
We all love a good cover but what are some covers you’d like to be transported into?

I’ve picked five covers that I find very aesthetically pleasing and would therefore like to be transported into them. For me, it’s not about the setting that’s shown on the cover, but rather the general vibe of it. So here they are:

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10 things i can see from herethe sword of summerstarfish.pngbeneath the sugar sky.png

I haven’t read any of these books yet, but I absolutely love these covers!

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August TBR: #ARCAugust and Tome Topple

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I have never posted a TBR before. I’m a mood reader, so I never know beforehand what I’m going to read next. But then I found out about #ARCAugust, created by Read.Sleep.Repeat. I currently have six ARCs I still need to review, even though all of those titles have been released yet. Because I’m so behind and my Netgalley ratio is looking dreadful at the moment, I decided I had to join this reading challenge.

I’d like to read these five ARCs in August:

optimists die firstcity of saints and thievesidainto your armstoo fat too slutty too loud

When I watched Thoughts on Tomes‘s announcement of Tome Topple, I was motived to join this read-a-thon as well. I won’t be able to finish A Dance With Dragons, but I’d like to read 500 pages this month. a dance with dragons


But, like I said, I’m a mood reader. I will try to stick to this TBR, but will I? We’ll see. Coincidentally, August is the only month in the year I can read freely without having to worry about work or college. But I can’t let that get in the way of reading these ARCs. I’ve postponed reading them too much already; it’s now or never.

Will you be joining any of these read-a-tons? Let me know so we can support each other ❤

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